I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
