Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
