You just made me feel so damn special
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
