Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
