you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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