I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
