Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize