You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
my poor anus
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize