i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
