Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
