can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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