so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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