So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
