every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
