He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
