Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
