Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
