Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
