It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
