Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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