i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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