that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
