If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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