i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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