I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
