My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
