you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
