Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
