I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
