i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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