We need to rekindle our bromance
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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