So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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