He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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