youre lurking in front of me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
