In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I met the friendliest cop last night
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
