I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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