I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
