Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
