I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
