so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
