My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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