The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
