Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
