THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
