very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
