My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
