I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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