It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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