Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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