You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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