Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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