Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
