I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize