Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
