Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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