I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
