no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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