Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
