Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
