Ambien. No doubt about it.
no, he came in my armpit
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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