The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
