So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
