don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
