I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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