I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
