So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
