yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
