I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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