You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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