Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
